Let Sleeping Rangers Lay
by Wicked Lady
Summary: After the insane first Ranger is reawakened after thousands of years, it's up to Kai to either save the day or damn the world. Really all depends on how fond he is of his new love interest


Please note that this is a parody. If you want a really real fic, then by God, go somewhere else! There is going to be major character bashing, some character deaths...ok, a lot of character deaths. Only one ranger will be spared and that's because my teenaged hormones are telling me the actor is cute

Once long ago at the dawn of the man, one being was made. The first Power Ranger. The world knew peace and had a good economy while the solitary ranger guarded them, but then evil slipped into the world. The Ranger could not be defeated, being on the side of all that is good, right and just, so the evil instead locked the Ranger away, with only the foods of the Gods to with stain her. Trapped and immortal, the Ranger was slowly driven insane over the decades before the Wicca cast a spell to keep the wild thing caged.

Put into a deep sleep, the Ranger faded out of memory until no record survived of her. And for a time, it was good. The spell might have trapped the Ranger in her slumber forever, but as fate would have it, someone had to screw it up and the Purple Ranger was awakened.

Aboveground: Power Rangers Zeo

Jason as the Gold Ranger fiddled with the many pointless buttons in eh cockpit of his zoid. The Rangers fight a giant, ugly pink purse. "You are powerless against me, Rangers!" the purse cries.

Jason whines in near defeat. "The purse is right. We're gonna need to form a new configuration."

The Rangers fight the purse and beat it, unaware of the danger beneath them

Underground: Near the Earth's Core

After lying dormant for thousands of years, two sapphire blue eyes open as the Purple Ranger reawakened. "Dialog...so corny...Rangers...so dumb...must...kill...everything..."

Luckily for the Rangers, to make sure the Purple Ranger was never risen, the Wicca buried her deep under ground with no weapons, no shovels and only her conveniently indestructible Ranger suit. Having no shovel, it took the Purple SOOO long to reach Earth's surface, it was the Lost Galaxy saga. This of course was also lucky for the Rangers because this meant they weren't on Earth to face the Purple Ranger's wrath. Sadly for Earth in general, Purple Ranger wanted to kill everything and not just the Rangers and the Rangers being gone like they were, they wasn't a lot stopping the immortal from having herself a ball.

Like a never-ending blood bath, the killings made the streets rivers of blood and the water ran red. The survivors were the ones to figure out that thousands of years underground had made the Purple Ranger claustrophobic so she didn't like to crawl under things like under beds or cars, and she didn't go inside walk in closets. It was probably a survivor who contacted the Power Rangers because they came back and conveniently landed on the same street as the homicidal Purple Ranger. The Rangers in their civvies stepped out of a space ship. Having never seen a car, much less a space ship, the Purple Ranger is quite curious.

"What happened here?" Maya asked in a mixture of shock and horror at the blood covered streets.

"Some people died," the Purple Ranger said calmly.

Leo stepped forward and regarded the blood soaked Purple Ranger. "Who are you?"

The Purple Ranger stood still, confused. "I am older then the written word. I have no name I can remember. All I know is that I am the first Ranger. And I have been reawaken."

"What do you mean you're the first Ranger?" Kai asked, drawing Purple's attention. "And if you're from before the written word, how can you speak English?"

Her eyes were locked on him. Reaching up, Purple unlocked her helmet. After removing it, she shook her waist length blonde hair Charlie's Angel style. Since she had never seen Charlie's Angels, it's a wonder how she knew to shake her hair like that. And while we're pondering rhetorical questions, how did all that hair fit in her helmet? And furthermore, after being underground for thousands of years with no shampoo, soap, scissors or hairbrushes could she have perfectly groomed, clean hair? Purple's blue eyes locked with the Blue Ranger's and romantic music started to play.

Comforted by the love music, the Galaxy Rangers let their guards down. "I could still hear what was going on above ground."

Smitten by Purple's beauty and the romantic music, Kai moved toward the Purple Ranger. "Can you tell us what happened here?"

"It's all my fault!" Purple cried, burring her face into Kai's strong chest. "None of this would have had to happen if I'd been on the surface instead of trapped in the Underground!" Kai wrapped his arms protectively around the sobbing mass murder, securing his place as love interest.

"Hey, shh, shh. It's ok, The Power Rangers are here now, and we'll make this better." Purple pulled back and looked up at Kai with teary eyes. He just smiled and wiped the tears from her cheeks to stress his posision as love interest for the slower members of the viewing audience.

"You're a Power Ranger?" she asked, in a whimpering voice. Kai nodded. "But I like you. You're handsome and smell nice and have yet to say anything that makes we want to hit you."

To prove that not all of the Rangers are complete idiots, Kendrix stated what's obvious to the home audience, but not the Rangers. "Um, First Ranger, when you say it's all your fault, do mean that you could have prevented it or that you did it?"

Kai scowled. "Are you insane Kendrix?"

"No, she's right. I was awakened to purge the world of stupidity so that only the strong and resourceful survive to breed. The ones still alive are the ones who know how to avoid obvious danger. Once I kill the other Power Rangers, and appoint new ones with the intelligence to outsmart their enemy, I may live my days as I might have if I hadn't been made immortal, buried in the Earth's core and driven insane before the Wicca put me to sleep." She reached up and began to play with the short messy black lock of Kai's hair. "Since I like you, I'll kill your friends and let you live regardless, but if you join me, I'll make you immortal and we can have sex until the end of the world."

Kai's eyes widen. "Uh, sorry guys. I'm sure you understand."

Leo and Damon nod, but Maya and Kendrix both scream "NO!"

Leo turned to Maya, who was closest to him. "Well, if I was in his shoes, I'd go with having sex for all eternity too. Since this is a children's show, we're all virgins anyway. I'd take sex over the good of humanity any day."

"MEN!" Maya growled rolling her eyes.

"It's that thinking that gets you killed." Purple threw a dagger that went through his jaguar vain and hit his spine. The blood splashed across Maya's scanky yellow leather cave girl dress and the Yellow Ranger died of shock. "How exciting, two down already." Purple looked at Kai expectantly. "Your turn."

Kai looked horrified. "Ok, letting you kill my friends is one thing, asking me to do it is another!"

Purple leaned close to the Blue Ranger and whispered all of the wicked things she would be willing to do to him. "Sorry Damon."

"It's ok, I understand." Damon bared his chest like a target and allowed Kai to stab him with the dagger Purple had gotten from someplace or another.

"Well, I don't understand!" Kendrix growled. She transformed into the Pink Ranger. "How could you betray us all from that maniac?"

Kai whispered some of the things Purple had offered to do to him into Kendrix's ear. "Really?" Kai nodded. "Have fun." Kendrix took the dagger Kai had used to stab Damon and slit her own throat.

The Blue Ranger turned happily to Purple. "Ok, all my friends are dead. You have promises to live up to." The young man looked eager.

Purring as she stroked Kai's chest, Purple gave him a light kiss on his alluring lips. "Give me a name for you to scream during our union and I'll do above and beyond what I've promised."

"Makoto."

"Good enough for me!" Makoto pounced on Kai and ripped his blue shirt open. "First things first, though Kai," Makoto pulled out a pair of handcuffs and Kai grinned.

I hoped you all enjoyed. In case anyone cares, the handsome man who played Kai can still be seen as a minnor character on CSI [Thursday nights, CBS at 9PM]


End file.
